Struggle

5 Oct

I’ve started this blog post several times in the past few days. The question became: how do I make this topic relevant to design, art, photography, travel or my career and future? I guess, it’s all relevant because it’s about me and who I am.

Almost two years ago to the day my mother passed away from cancer. It was the end of a long, painful struggle for life. I was relieved that she would no longer live in pain but sad that she would no longer live. This was, and still is, a struggle for me. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t miss her. She was a great inspiration in many ways. She helped make me who I am today. Without her I may not have pursued my passion for art and design or even travel. She always encouraged me to do what makes me happy even if it wasn’t going to bring in the biggest paycheck. Maybe that’s also a generational thing but being happy in my work and constantly learning new things is all I ever want in a job. It’s a great thing to love what you do since you do it for 40+ hours a week.

Since her passing I have wondered if I have done enough to help others. My mother was never able to have Hospice take care of her because she was fighting for life until the very end. I was amazed at her strength and her will to fight even when the pain was unbearable. Yet, for me, she wanted to live. You see, she was not just my mother, she was my best friend.

After losing her I didn’t know where to turn and someone suggested the Hospice grief group. What an amazing organization and the group was just what I needed. Hospice does so much for those faced with losing someone or having lost someone. I would love for my work to be that meaningful. I can only look for opportunities to help and hope that someday my work or my job or my writing will make that much of a difference in people’s lives.

Sometimes I feel that my love of helping others is opposed to my love of art or my love of travel but maybe it doesn’t have to be. Maybe I just haven’t found the right opportunity. So, I’ll keep my eyes open and keep doing what I’m doing and hoping that in some small way I’m doing my part to help others. I hope that I’m making my mother proud and living up to her dreams for me. She was an amazing woman and I miss her dearly.

Thank you mom, for your love, encouraging words, inspiration and love of life.

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